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I am not sure where to start on this. So much happened this past week......and really, it had been going on for quite awhile.



Like I said before, I knew something was really wrong when mom said months ago that she just didn't feel like eating anymore....nothing was good to her and in fact, made her sick to her stomach. In my head I heard, "Cancer.". But mom, like myself, is headstrong and willful and not one to suffer fools gladly or be told what to do. Born rebels. But I can generally get mom to do more than anyone else. I prod gently, approaching her heart and mind in just the right way.



I suggested many times to get the CA-125. She didn't for months though. A mixture of fear, depression, no energy and hoping it would go away. It didn't.



It's hard watching a loved one go downhill. It's hard to watch them being self-destructive and at the same time, them asking for help, basically, saying how miserable they are, and how they are ready and waiting to go. Go, as in pass away. Of course, you want to save them, bring them close to you, get them the help they need. I have always been mom's advocate. Still am.



Last weekend before last, we had visited her and though she was out of breath, she was able to walk some. She had started throwing up what little she was eating. I got a burrito down her and some veges the next night. Left for home. My youngest brother is there. He isn't equipt to handle this, being manic depressive/bi-polar, but is there, anyway. He tries.



Last week she went through many tests and saw the doctor on Thursday. He sent her home with an anti-nausea script and an appointment for an urologist the following Tuesday. He didn't seem to be concerned that she couldn't breathe or walk or eat. ??



Friday I call her cell and she sounds awful. She can't hardly talk because she has to catch her breath. I couldn't get there, so I called my other brother about 50 minutes away and asked if he could take her to the ER. He said he would go check out the situation. We talked back and forth on the phone a lot. She didn't want to go to the ER yet, hoping it would resolved itself. Didn't. Finally, Saturday, they got her to go.



They spent many hours in the ER, but you know how that goes, I am sure. They keep you there forever, waiting. The ER doc asked why she was not sent to the hospital sooner!



She was admitted and we were over the next day. I talked to her on the phone and she was spent, so tired, but that is not unusual, as she has been sleeping a lot.



Over the next few days, she had tons of tests. We all went up there every day. Youngest brother Justin left with Danny to come back here to work, and was gone for most of the week, while I was there with the middle brother Josh. Dad also showed up in that time, from Washington state. He has been working there for a few months now. He cleans up environmental spills/messes/etc., and hauls it to be taken care of. HASMAT shit?



Dad somehow always manages to make a stressful situation worse. He decides it's the time to pull up the carpet in mom's room and burn her bed.



TO BE CONTINUED-----

....my mom has kidney cancer.

The other day we were walking from the car to the door at Wal-Mart. Danny usually lets me off at the door, but that day it was a close space and it was decent out.



I walked past an old woman in the handi-capped space, getting ready to put her groceries in her back seat. I noticed she had a package of water bottles. So I asked if she needed help loading them into the car. She finally agreed and I had Danny come help me with it.

Emotional-Mind Unhooking Process



Developed by Ellie Drew



Identify • Acknowledge • Breathe







3 Keys to Emotional Unhooking







1. Identify what you are feeling in the moment.



2. Acknowledge your emotions with the Emotional Unhooking Statement below. (Remember that the need of the Emotional-Mind is to be acknowledged for what it is feeling in the moment, no matter how illogical it may seem. You may logically understand why you feel what you do – but it often does not lessen the issue because the Emotional-Mind is not logical – it is emotional.)



3. Your freedom is in how you do the Breath!







Emotional Unhooking Statements



CORE STATEMENT: "Even though I feel____________I deeply and completely accept myself without judgment." (Use your own words to identify the feeling)



SECONDARY STATEMENT: 2. “I (love and forgive/accept/respect/or some other appropriate word) myself for anything I may have done to contribute to this situation.”



SECONDARY STATEMENT: 3. “I (love and forgive/accept/respect/or some other appropriate word) anyone else for anything they may have done to contribute to this situation.”



USEFUL STATEMENT: 4. “Even though I feel _________ of what others will think I deeply and completely accept myself without judgment.”







Emotional Unhooking Process Explained



1. Name what you are feeling (anger, frustration, hurt, disappointment, hate, etc). Sometimes you might have a hard time naming it so start by naming it “this feeling” in the Emotional Unhooking Statement.



2. Give the ‘feeling’ a number between 0 - 10, 10 being the highest. You do this for two reasons, first to identify the strength of the feeling (looking for the strongest emotions of #8, 9, 10). Second, it helps you to see that the process is working or not as the number goes down.



3. State your Emotional Unhooking Statement (above) as clearly as you can. Remember your logical-mind will think this is silly, but you are talking to an illogical emotional-mind whose need is to be acknowledged for what it is feeling. Then do a proper breath as explained in #4.



4. Next is the key to unhook from being manipulated from your emotions: strong emotions are anchored into cellular memory with the breath, and they get unhooked with the breath. To be successful make sure you take a full-body breath in, then open your throat and breathe out in a sigh or yawn. It is a full-body breath out where your head and shoulders will collapse when you do it properly. When you breathe in imagine that you are unhooking a thick, 15” hook from your solar plexus (stomach) area, and throwing it away with your out-breath. Then keep breathing deeply in and out as many times as necessary until you feel the tension clear. Reevaluate the number you gave the feeling to see if the feeling is still an 8 - 10. If your number is still high, it is most likely that you were holding some aspect of your breath. Do it again making sure to breathe in fully and release your breath fully and freely with your throat open, not tight.



5. When one aspect has gone down, repeat when needed for other aspects or issues. For example, you might clear anger or hatred, then find you have deep sadness that comes to the surface. Clear that, and then have something else bubble up. This is common to the clearing process, like peeling away layers. Simply clear them as they present themselves to you consciously.



6. When you feel like you are finished, stand up take some deep breaths and brush yourself off and go about your day enjoying your sense of freedom.







Identify • Acknowledge • Breathe



©EllieDrew2006v

I talked to my brother today, right after they got back from the doctor's office. The office had changed their appointment from 2:30 to 3:30pm without letting them know. That's one of the reasons mom doesn't like going to the dr.'s.



We don't care for her Dr.. He doesn't retain info we tell him, and he even had to ask US if she had diabetes. He lets things go way too long to address them, and just doesn't seem to care enough.



They didn't tell her the results of the CA-125 test nor did they give her insulin pills for her over 200 blood sugar score. Instead, the Dr. told her he was really concerned about her kidneys and she is to see her kidney specialist next Tuesday about that. She was told she either had kidney disease or kidney cancer.



You may remember last year, I believe it was, when she went to the Dr. for a few tests, and they found a dark spot on her good kidney. The other is small and doesn't work properly. But they could not reach it to do a biopsy and left it at that. It had a major artery around it or it was on the inside, I can't recall. Just that it would have been dangerous to go in after it.



She is having problems breathing. This is very hard for me, being 3 hours away. What can I do?



Meanwhile, dad is still waiting on his results from his colonoscopy. They found 5 polyups and waiting to see if they are benign. It's been about 3 weeks now.

Hmm...so is this what you see? And what's the scoring for? haha......?

Tacet qui consentire videtur: he who is silent is understood to consent.



Course on the other hand, what "they" are doing is their karma and the consequences lay upon their hands.



I found this on the web somewhere. Thought I would share some of it.







"I’d like to begin my article with my definition of honor and go on to describe the role the honor principle should play in our community. The Honor Principle boils down to respect. Respect is the acknowledgement of worth in something or someone. The Honor Principle, in asking that you not cheat, steal, lie, discomfit, etc, really asks that you have respect—that you find worth in everything all the time, rather than follow a set of rules that tell you what and when to have respect. This principle is a fundamental respect for your peers, your teachers and, most importantly, yourself. Under the honor principle you must constantly re-evaluate what it means to respect someone or something—you must constantly be on guard.



Every time you write a paper, take an exam ask yourself the real reason why you don’t plagiarize or cheat. It’s not just a respect for your classmates; if that were so, the argument follows: “what if cheating didn’t hurt anyone?” Would it be all right then? Would it be honorable if there were some way in which your cheating helped others? I don’t think that’s right. When we cheat, when we misrepresent our work, the real wrong embedded in the action is that we are misrepresenting ourselves. Somehow we lose sight of ourselves, lose respect for who we are. The product, the grade, the assignment overtakes the value we have in ourselves, in our investment to learn. It is this sense of respect, both intrinsic and extrinsic, that drives honor.



Nevertheless, true respect has its first root in honesty. Consequently, the Honor Principle’s emphasis on personal honesty is linked to its focus on respect. Because you should be honest to your classmates, you ought not steal; Because you should be honest to your teachers, you ought not cheat; because you should be honest to yourself, you ought to realize that no goal is worth attaining that in its path you forfeit your honor. Similarly, in respecting your friends and your teachers you trust their judgment enough to consistently tell the truth; in respecting yourself, you realize your duty to consider the Honor Principle in everything you do—to be honest with yourself about how much your academic integrity means to you. As Roman Statesman Ausonius said: “When about to commit a base deed, respect thyself, though there is no witness.” The honor principle requires you to commit to giving yourself worth, because there are no laws to do that for you. In giving yourself worth, you realize how imprudent—how wrong—it is to disregard that in such intolerable acts as lying or cheating.



Moreover, the Honor Principle, most simply, is an acknowledgement; specifically, it acknowledges imperfection. If we acknowledge our latent inability to always know and do what is right, we engage an awareness of situations in which honor is questioned. The honor principle is an understanding that above all we need to try, to think, to ask questions and to converse. The honor principle is, for lack of better words, “a way of life.” It manifests itself in our actions, but it is not limited to them; the honor principle is what inspires action. It is in honesty, intellectual rigor, etc; however, it is fundamentally a respect for what binds those qualities together in us ourselves and in our community.



Most people have a misconception—the honor principle just means treating others how I want to be treated—it’s relative to my own moral intuitions and preferances. Honor can be personal without being relative. We so often talk about personal codes of honor, of one’s own integrity in the face of a certain cultural confine, a social statute. At the same time, we live in a community of honor. I don’t think we need to sacrifice one to the other—community honor is not just a unified sense of honor across a large amount of people functioning as one person. Community honor, rather, is community consciousness of personal honor. We each have our own standards, our own ideas of what is right, but the point is that when we live in a community of honor, we accrete a respect for the honor of each member in the community.



Another aspect intrinsic to honor as a principle of governance is the idea of vigilance. Honor cannot exist without personal responsibility. And that responsibility exists in more ways than one."

If I don't get right back to you in messages, please forgive me. I have been a rating mofo lately. Talk about zoning out!

...'cause I am certainly not snake. Ugh.

Bottom up:









yeah



On 07:06:59 Sep 07 2007 Jamie wrote:



Oh I see....a PRETEND one. Gotcha. ;)



On 07:00:16 Sep 07 2007 lordkratos wrote:



not a real one



On 06:57:26 Sep 07 2007 Jamie wrote:



Well, sorry, but you are about a 150 years too late. It was abolished in 1865, offically.



On 06:44:05 Sep 07 2007 lordkratos wrote:



no but i can date ether i am realy looking for a slave



On 06:41:47 Sep 07 2007 Jamie wrote:



No, I am not single. Sorry there. You single?



On 06:35:12 Sep 07 2007 lordkratos wrote:



are u single

In my travels on Rave, I have found that some have called this a game, and that we all know it. I can't recall everywhere I have seen it, but I have seen it said. I say, I simply came here to meet and chat with some interesting people, not to play games. Nor do I recall seeing that this was a game site. So I went to the main page.







"Vampire Rave was designed as an online resource for the Vampire community. Our goal is to catalog everything there is to be cataloged about Vampires."



"online database".



Hmm, where did it say this was a game site?

As you know, my mom and I are really close. She is not well. You may remember that she has an ovarian tumor, a dark spot on her good kidney, in addition to kidney problems and a bad one. She has diabetes that is not being taken care of, a thyroid disorder, and depression.



So which is giving her the problems? Probably the ovary. I am afraid of saying the C word to her, so we don't. But we both admit that we think it's the ovary giving her trouble.



She finally went to the Dr. today, and had a host of blood tests, including a CA-125 test, which tells the level of something in her blood I guess. I am not sure, but they use the test to monitor ovary "stuff". Levels. My mom is stubborn like I am and doesn't like to be told what to do. So I prod her gently about things. She appreciates that, I know. She doesn't always follow what I say, though she listens to me the most. I have been wanting her to get that CA-125 test for about a year now.



When she started telling me a few months ago that she really has just not wanted anything to eat, and things just don't taste good at all to her, I knew something was wrong, though I didn't go into it. It's gotten worse. Now she only eats peanut butter sandwiches and cereal. Granted, the good cereal, but still, cereal.



That was until recently, and she has started throwing up, with nothing in her, because she is hardly eating anything at all now. This is all very scary. Mom is such a wonderful person. So giving and so overwhelmed by the world and fragile, yet very strong minded. She has lived out there alone for so long. I couldn't have handled that shit. We all visit of course, but can't as often because of money. Gas is so expensive! We've wanted her to move here and she wants to, but dad won't move, won't support her getting a small place here, and she hasn't the energy to do it herself.



I have been mom's watcher, best friend, and basically mother, for so many years. I was her confidante and therapist since I was about 12 or 13, when we started talking about astrology and the meaning of life.



We are all hoping she will find out some results tomorrow, Friday at the latest, so that we won't have to wait the weekend to find something out. She has to go back to the hospital tomorrow, for chest and stomach x-rays. I am glad my brother is there with her, but he is as useful for these things as.......as a little brother. But I am glad he is there. I have always been the one that is there, and it is nice to let him take some of that too. It will let them bond.



I am so concerned about my mom.

I obviously do not have this "down", but I get it, and work on it as much as I can. I can usually when I can step away from a situation. Not when it's fresh, sadly.



It's concept is so simple, but putting it into practice, takes practice. ;)



From the book, The Four Agreements, By Don Miguel Ruiz





"Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about me.



During the period of our education, or our domestication, we learn to take everything personally. We think we are responsible for everything. Me, me, always me!



Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in.



Taking things personally makes you easy prey for those predators who try to send you emotional poison. They can hook you easily with one little opinion, and feed you all the emotional garbage. When you take it personally, you eat it up and now it becomes your garbage. But if you don't take it personally, you are immune to their poison; you will not eat it. Immunity to emotional poison is the gift of this agreement.



When you take things personally, you feel offended and your reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflicts. You make something big out of something little, because you have the need to be right and make everyone else wrong.



You try hard to be right by giving them your own opinions. But what you say, what you do, and the opinions you have are according to the agreements YOU have made and these opinions have nothing to do with the people around you. Your point of view is personal to you. It is no one's truth but yours.



In the same way, others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system. Nothing they think about me is really about me; it is about them. If I understand this, then when you get mad at me, I know you are dealing with yourself. I am the excuse for you to get mad.



You may even tell me, "Miguel, what you are saying is hurting me." But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said. You are hurting yourself. There is no way that I can take this personally. Not because I don't believe in your or don't trust you, but because I know that you see the world with different eyes--with your eyes.



You create an entire picture or movie in your mind, and in that picture, you are the director, you are the producer, you are the main actor or actress. Everyone else is only a secondary character in your movie. The way you see that movie will be according the agreements you have made with life. If you live without fear, if you love, you will be happy with the movie you are producing.



Don't take anything personally because by taking things personally, you set yourself up to suffer for nothing. Even the opinions you have about yourself are not necessarily true; therefore, you don't need to take whatever you hear in your own mind personally.



Wherever you go you will find people lying to you, and as your awareness grows, you will notice that you also lie to yourself. Do not expect people to tell you the truth because they also lie to themselves. Even if others lie to you, it is okay. They are lying to you because they are afraid you will discover that they are not perfect. It is painful to take off our social masks.



You have to trust yourself and choose to believe or not to believe what someone says to you. If others say one thing, but do another, you are lying to yourself if you don't listen to their actions. But if you are truthful to yourself, you will save yourself a lot of emotional pain. Telling yourself the truth may hurt, but you don't need to be attached to the pain.



If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want.



Write this agreement on paper, and put it on your refrigerator to remind you all the time:



Don't take anything personally.



As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won't need to place your trust in what others say or do. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices.



You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. Whe you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others. You can travel around the world with your heart completely open. You can say, "I love you," without the fear of being rejected. You can ask for what you need without guilt or self-judgement. You can choose to follow your heart always, and live with inner peace and happiness."

I've met a lot of nice people in the last few days. Made some new friends. Talked to some old friends again, which is nice. =)





Have you seen that new show, Just For Laughs? It's hilarious. It is great. But aside from how funny it is, there are situations on there that show people helping people and not wanting others to get hurt. It's nice to see. I believe it is filmed in Canada.

I decided to change my music on my profile. As you know I am a big fan of Depeche Mode. I have another that would fit nicely there too. I love the lyrics of the two songs...this and the next.

A joke a friend sent to me. I am copying and pasting it.





a man comes out of a clook repare shop witha granfirers clook and a drunk is comeing down the street and samks in the man and braks up the clook tthe man saied to the drunk wach whare u are going teh drunk saied why can u wharea wristwach like eavery boudy eals

I got hurt the other morning. The morning I found out about the shit here.



I had heard a sound outside and thought it was a bird of squirrel in trouble, because we have stray cats and dogs out. I couldn't see anything, so I backed up. I thought I was backing up over a sack with canned goods in it, but I put my foot down on them. Not my whole foot, my toes. I put my whole body weight on my toes, on the edges of the cans and fell backwards. It hurt really bad. I cut my toes on the underneath side. I have been limping the last two days. I am surprised that that didn't break my toes...and it cut really deep. Ouch!



I was breathing really heavy because of the pain running through my body. You know the type. The kind that runs through and makes yoiu breathe hard....then I was hyperventilating and almost passed out. Danny was there, though, so. Now I have bruised toes and feet...and bandaids on toes. ha.....

No more drama. Right?



Even though I am still upset over the past few days, I am trying to keep it cool. I don't like being angry. It makes me anxious. Almost had a panic attack in Wal-Mart today, but was able to stave it off. I haven't had one in a long time now. That rocks.



I much prefer Zen state of mind to be in, which is where I usually dwell. Lately, I have felt like the Dalai Lama when China came to town and he had to run to Tibet. I saw a special on him the other night before bed. He was stressed out pretty badly having to leave his home. But he was really commmitted to his people. He was a great role model. Still is.

They are making another X-Files movie! Shooting in November, out next summer. Yay!

I saw this while visiting a profile. I think it really captures a great message.







"Quote: Just because you can, dosen't mean you should.





Acheron Parthenopaeus / Dark-Hunter"

I think I was a slave in a past life. Really.

I have gotten many kinds words. I appreciate them all. But of course I can't post them all. They have helped me immensely tonight and reminded me that I had lots of friends. It also helped me keep close my strength of caring resolve for others in addition to myself.



Here:



Jamie,



Your stance and views closely echo my own, as from this i am now taking a new stance in my own team, semi-removed, a mainly shadow figure, better that way. You have my utmost respect, liking and friendship, regardless if you ever may remove me from lists I will keep you. This affair has been shameful and proves once again that Right does NOT win, sometimes, as it should do, but that is Life, the brutal truth of it. People win by forming links and showing solidarity and true friendship. You have mine. You are a Legend.



~~~~~~~~~~



I heard the news earlier about you losing your status.

I am really sorry to see how badly this has affected you and I wish there was more that I could do...

It was always obvious how much work you put into being an Admin and a Mistress of House Eternal, which is one of the reasons why I think it's so disrespectful the way you are being treated now... It's unfair, it really is and I don't understand the reason why your status was taken away... But then again there are many things I don't understand about VR anymore, it's not what it used to be.



People's feelings shouldn't be a game anywhere, whether it's in real life or on a website... Too many underestimate the effect some can actually have on others, even through a monitor.



I'm glad to hear you're getting support from others as well, you deserve it and much more than that. And thank you for being so kind in return... Speaking to you calms me down and makes me see things with a smile on my face. :)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



And what is the deal with all the animosity with covens? Poor Jamie has been forced into a terrible coven against her will. Yes vr allows this. Everyone understands this. BUT! Don't you think if you were going to induct someone you would ask them first? The whole point of having a coven is to have a friendly competition while making new friends.



Keep your chin up babe. I love you.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whatever. I am not on fucking trial. Gawd. Grow up. She ought to get some facts right before posting about me. Besides, anything is going to sound bad thrown in the context she wrote it, about anybody. Much of that is exaggerated......Jeez....I am 38 years old. I didn't throw a "hissy" to get out of that stone coven, I merely stated that I wished to be released as I had just gotten out of Octo and wasn't sure where I wanted to be yet, and as a matter of fact, I was really wanting to be on my own for awhile. I didn't throw a "hissy" with Sebastian either. I merely told him that I thought it was time that I moved on and out of the House. He told me that I would be grabbed against my will and I said that I was afraid of that, but that I wanted to be on my own for awhile. I had faith in my fellow man that they would ask first to induct me, or release me if I asked. I guess I give too much credit to people.



Do I even dignify her shit with my own truth? People are going to believe what they want. I hope people are wise enough to not fall into her shit. I hope my friends know me better.



I was never asked if any of this was true. The old story is that I have had people talk about me my whole life, and they usually got it wrong, then spread it as the truth. That is why I got away from people and live a pretty solitary life. It's loathesome creatures such as IndigoMoon. I can't believe she is a Libra. They are usually moral, and just people, that abhor cruelty or vulgarity. I've not met a lower person in quite awhile, perhaps in my life.

















It is an old story really. The once lofty having fallen from grace. Jamie is a former Master Vampire of VR. She is the woman that founded House Eternal. She inducted at least one hundred people at the beginning of Vampire Rave Societies.



How things have changed...



She gave up her post and joined The House of Umbrae Octo. Cancer gave her the position of Consul.



But she wasn't done yet.



Jamie browbeat Sabastion to secure her release. She was almost immediately picked up by The Coven of Stone Guardians. She threw a hissy fit and managed to get herself kicked out.



But she wasn't done yet.



She started posting in the Forum and in her Journal. Her Forum post:







--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





Actually I joined a site that did not have forced inductions a few years ago. No houses, no covens. Just people.



Being newly out of a House, I am completely against forced inductions. Not cool, not right and I am having to fight my way out of these places just to be left alone. I won't follow orders of some place that forces me against my will. That is emotional rape, in my opinion.



After already having to deal with this on my own, it seems to me, that any House or Coven that forcefully inducts someone against their will is not respectful to human kind, is desperate, and is more interested in favor and points than the human condition. Don't you realize that invading someone like that against their will is damaging? They feel they have no control and that is a horrible feeling to have, and surely takes away what was once a fun experience.



It's not an honor, it's our rank being exploited and used for their power trip.



People aren't here to be used as currancy.







--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





I am told she raised no issue when the matter was discussed for 6 months prior Vampire Rave Societies being created. She was there during the planning stages, the initial release, and for several months afterward. In her tenure as House Master of Eternal she forcibly inducted over a hundred people.



But she wasn't done yet.



She continued to write in her Journal:







--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





August 29, 2007



I am not looking for a Coven or House to join! Do not induct me. I will not participate. Fuck off.







--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





August 29, 2007



I was watching Casualities of War on AMC. I just saw the part where the soldiers take the young Vietnamese girl from her home against her will. It was sad and it reminded me of the inductions here against people's will.







--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





On August 30th, Jamie was inducted by the Coven of Shi Jin Ten Chi Sho. The following day I purchased her from the wonderful CryingMist.







--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





On September 2nd, Jamie lost her position as Consul.







--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





Jamie will not be released. She has chosen to be here through her actions.

Someone wrote this in their journal and it made me smile and cry.









I'm so proud of Jamie for voicing her opinions.





It makes me giggle that the very act alone leads others to believe that she is waging a personal attack by being so adamate about her thoughts.



I'm glad I'm not the only one who means what she says and says what she means. It seems that suddenly if your thoughts stray from what others deem appropriate , then all of a sudden a personal attack is being made.



No, everyone is not out to get you. :)

I just got here, and saw 13 messages. There was a friend's message first, and I got a knot in my stomach and thought, "Oh shit, what's going on?". Then I scrolled down to see a few more. One person asked where my Consul status is, and then I looked for one from Cancer. Ah, found one.



And I was disappointed when I read it, and sad, but I thought, "Well, that is what he wanted to do, so be it.", and thought I would be fine, even with a few tears in my eyes.



And then I really started crying. Make-up in eyes, burning, mascara down my face. This is the first time I have cried since taking Lexapro. Nothing else has made me cry. Sure I feel the sadness, but not to the point of crying.



I read other messages of support but I couldn't concentrate on what they were saying, as I couldn't get past the hurt.



Everything seems to be falling apart...

On 05:23:42 Sep 01 2007 Jamie wrote:



Ok, for some reason, I have been inducted into Purgatory, and against my will. I request that I be released from this place, as it is not to my liking. I am a being of light and prefer a place of kindness and high ideals to relate to. I have only just gotten out of Octo and have not decided where I wish to be yet. My wishes of this were clearly posted on my profile. Besides, it is completely immoral to take someone against their will.



Thanks, Jamie











IndigoMoon



01:12:32

Sep 01 2007





I have taken your against your will.



I have read your journal.



Your are wrong.



You are now owned by the Coven of Purgatory.



You will not be released.

I did not know that some people on here were causing drama behind the scenes. I mean, I know it happens, but how they decided that images and I were fighting, is beyond me. But I didn't know until she wrote me and asked me about it. I was like, "Huh? Great, time to write another entry.".



Ok peeps.....images and I are friends. We have been friends for quite awhile, and still are friends. She has nothing against me, and I have nothing against her. She is a good person and so am I. There is nothing to see or talk about folks. Sorry some of you want to make more of it, or enemies of people. No drama here.





Clear enough, people?